How To Maintain A Healthy Relationship During Pregnancy
Sex & Relationship
The woes of pregnancy and an expecting baby have the potential to change the relationship dynamics that you share with your partner. The changes in your body, the noticeable curves, a protruding belly, and raging hormones in the body have the scope to throw you off balance when it comes to nurturing the relationship with your partner. At one moment you may feel incredibly connected to your partner and in another moment, you can feel completely isolated and emotional. Also, if your husband is not meeting your expectations in support and sensitivity, it could be a reason of strife between you two, leading to arguments. Read on to know how you can avoid such unpleasant situations.
Tips To Maintain Healthy Relationship Between Husband And Wife During Pregnancy:
There are ways you can nurture your relationship even during pregnancy days when your body and mind are going through various changes. You two can put some efforts in keeping the romance and the spark alive and be there for each other. Some of the ideas that can work to your advantage in such a situation are:
1. Modify Your Routines:
Rather than being hell bent on what you used to do together and fighting because it is not the same anymore now, try to be flexible and modify routines to suit the needs. Instead of going out for activities such as golfing or any other sports activity, which you loved to do, but now find it difficult to enjoy, you can do things such as going for a spa session together and opt for a couple of massages that are relaxing and romantic at the same time. Choose activities or things that you two enjoy doing together and will keep you two connected.
2. Have Some Conversation Time:
For any relationship to work perfectly, you need to communicate with your partner. During pregnancy, the concentration on aspects such as doctor’s appointment, food, supplements, care, and attention can leave you two with no time to sit and talk. Set aside some time for you two to share your thoughts, the happenings in your day, some light humor or anything that is of common interest to you both. It will have a positive effect on your relationship and help in individual growth too.
3. Be Focussed On Your Partner:
It often happens that the expecting mother ends up paying more attention to the baby growing inside than on her husband. Give time to your partner and honor the relationship that you share. In this way, he will not end up feeling insecure about his importance and also not assume that the baby will change your relationship with him.
4. Keep The Intimacy Alive:
Physical relation during pregnancy can be a tricky thing to figure out for most of the couples. In the first few months, you will be so concerned about morning sickness, exhaustion, and mood swings that sex will be the last thing on your mind. As the months advance and the bump shows prominently, finding the right positions to do it will make it hard for you two to carry out intercourse the way you did before. In such situations, you can talk it out with your partner on how things can work out the best for you both. Moments such as that unexpected barf or the farting or anything gross should be taken lightly, giving you two some excuses to laugh together and spark up the romance.
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Ways In Which Pregnancy Can Change The Relationship Dynamics:
Pregnancy is not a one-day affair but a nine-month long commitment which will surely bring many changes in the relationship you share with your partner. Awareness of the possibilities of change will keep you prepared about how to tackle the change and work things out accordingly to keep the relationship going without any trouble in your haven. Some pointers that you can look for help are:
You will be more dependent on your partner for things which you could manage alone earlier. Situations such as doctor’s appointments, couple yoga sessions and counselling hours will make it necessary that you feel the need for your partner more during these few months. This might make you feel that your husband is not giving you your due.
He might feel left out and alone during these times as all your focus will be on the baby and its needs. The feelings of isolation, lack of intimacy and closeness are common complaints that the husbands make when you two are expecting a baby.
Lack of sex and intimacy can take a toll on husband and wife relationship during pregnancy. The infrequent sex sessions can leave a profound effect on the chemistry that you two share.
Common And Expected Couple Fights During Pregnancy:
Even if you shared a world of bliss with your partner, pregnancy could bring that chemistry, both physical and emotional, to a standstill. You may end up fighting everyday for no reason, taking a toll on your relationship. The miseries do not just end there.
The frequent mood swings, the lack of communication and the absence of the understanding for each other that you once shared can result in every day bickering and fights with your partner, making you doubt the very relationship. Here are a few reasons that might lead to a fight with your husband and some expert tips on how to deal with the situation and salvage your relationship:
1. Naming The Child:
The Problem: The decision of naming your baby can be very tricky, and it has the possibility of ending up in a heated debate. Your partner may not agree with your idea of naming the baby after your grandmother or giving him some rare and unique name, as your partner has already taken out the top ten lists of baby names, and you two end up having a huge argument about it.
The Solution: You do not have to push him or make him change his decision immediately. In this way, you both will end up being defensive. Take some time out, sit together later and talk about the issue. You can share your experience and the attachment that you have for the names that you have selected individually and then see how he reacts. The discussion can give you both a deeper understanding of each other’s point of view and help in taking a joint decision.
2. Lack Of Attention:
The Problem: During pregnancy, you can become vulnerable and completely insecure about your partner. At times, you may feel he is not giving you the attention you deserve or the care that is required. Trifle issues such as missing appointments with your OB by him can create turmoil between you two for no reason at all.
The Solution: Rather than burdening your partner all the time for keeping up with your appointment, you can make some friends who are also pregnant and discuss all your pregnancy-related issues such as swollen feet, morning sickness, etc., with them. You can go along with them also for your medical appointments and routine checkups rather than piling everything on your partner. It becomes easy for both of you to share some good time together if there is no task or responsibility that you two have to accomplish every two days.
The Problem: In his mind, all he can think is how gorgeous you have turned with your newly acquired curves and the pregnancy glow. It is quite obvious he will try to be cosier with you at times. But during this period of gestation, all you can think of is the leaking of your pee or some other pregnancy related problem and your partner might not be sympathetic towards your condition. The result is that you end up having huge fights again.
The Solution: Having some sense of humour about the situation can work towards your advantage at this time. Laughing about the silly or gross things, joking about the trifle issues can lighten the situation up and you two can share some sweet and cosy moments together. Communication is the key to resolving the issue. Talk to your partner about your insecurities and fears about sex.
4. Money Matters:
The Problem: The prospect of a baby increases the expenses to a great extent. The sudden change in the expenditure can shock you both, making it difficult to manage finances and take monetary decisions. These uncertainties and lack of proper financial management can lead to stress and fights among couples when they are expecting a baby.
The Solution:You two can sit down together to plan a budget and try in all ways to stick to it even when faced with temptations. Do not wait for the baby to arrive to sort out the financial issues but do it right away. Figure out all the possible expenses and make a budget plan that is practical, can be followed and not too stringent. Keep some stash ready for emergency requirements too and for unforeseen or unaccounted for but necessary expenditures.
5. Interference From Family:
The Problem: You may have a great rapport with your in-laws and the extended family after marriage but pregnancy could change the equation. It could be the same for your husband if your parents are interfering too much in your affairs.
The Solution: It is essential to understand that you and your partner are going to be parents, so the decisions need to be taken by you two. Support from your families is necessary and you can always welcome their advice, as long as they are not hurting your psyche or the relationship with your husband. There is no reason for you to be rude to them. Talk to your partner if you think the interference has gone too far to tolerate.
Fighting And Arguing With Your Spouse Harms The Baby:
Arguments with your partner during pregnancy are quite common among couples. The change in the hormone levels and the added pressures of pregnancy can make you a bit edgy and result in silly fights and confrontations. But if the fights are too severe and frequent, then it may indicate an underlying problem of depression or anxiety disorder in the mother. The added stress caused by the conflicts can put both the mother and the baby under difficult situations.
Depression or anxiety caused by stress for extended periods of time can affect the gestation period and may lead to pre-term labor in several cases. The sudden mood swings and constant irritation can also hamper the absorption of nutrients in the body of the mother and the baby leading, to further complications and poor health of the baby.
Excessive stress levels can also result in high blood pressure, hormonal imbalance in the body and miscarriage. Elevated levels of anxiety lead to events of postpartum depression which is detrimental to the health of the mother and the well-being of the child at the same time.
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Signs That You Are In A Toxic Marriage
Sex & Relationship
Being weighed down by a relationship could be taxing. You invest so much into it that you forget what you want. You give yourself a backseat and make your partner a priority, trying to fulfill all their needs and wants. All you have in mind is to keep your relationship intact.
If all the sacrifices and efforts are only one-sided, and your partner is neither acknowledging your efforts, nor reciprocating, then you must understand that the relationship is getting toxic. If you feel that your soul has been sucked out from you maintaining a relationship, and you have no standing of your own, or the self-confidence to face the world anymore because you remain so depressed all the time, then it is definite that you need to find a permanent solution.
Understanding The Dynamics Of A Toxic Relationship:
If a relationship is characterized by a behavior pattern that is emotionally or physically damaging to the partner concerned, then by definition it is considered as a toxic relationship.
A healthy relationship helps in the individual’s growth, whereas in a toxic relationship you feel criticized for all the wrong reasons and can tend to lose yourself in the process. Unlike a toxic relationship, a healthy relationship is all about encouraging each other, sharing experiences and emotions, and taking decisions together.
How Can You Identify Being In A Toxic Relationship?
If you are always attacking each other in the meanest manner, or if one partner is being abused by the other, emotionally or physically and have lost that common ground where you can approach each other regarding anything, without fear or concern, then it is the time you look for solutions to control the damage. The power dynamics in a toxic relation is not balanced, and you feel controlled and dominated leading to no self-growth. Step one should be the acceptance of reality that the relationship is dying.
What Are The Categories Of Toxic Relationships?
A healthy and a warm relationship too can have some momentary phases of toxicity, but that is never a permanent situation. The couples eventually understand the value of each other and sort out their differences cordially so that they can live together and encourage each other’s growth.
In a healthy relationship, there is always scope for improvement and acceptance of the flaws. But that does not mean that one toxic partner will always take the upper hand over the other and dictate the path of the relationship.
The types of toxic relationships that psychologists encounter every day and deeply analyze the key facets of such relationship dynamics are:
The Mean Belittler:
The kind of a toxic partner who is too critical of your conduct or ways of life, which humiliate you. The habit of demeaning you, often publically, and taking a gibe at you for no reasons at all can severely damage your self-esteem and sense of worth.
He or she will be pointing out your silliest mistakes. There is no scope for improvement in such kind of criticism by the partner as it is motivated to make you feel ashamed of yourself, making it easier for the toxic partner to dominate you and call all the shots.
If they are constantly telling you how lucky you have been to have them as no one would ever want to be with you, then you know the kind of toxic partner you have and how it is affecting you as an individual.
The Bad Tempered One:
If you are too scared to discuss any problems in your relationship for the fear of making him/her angry, then you are with a person who uses fear to control the entire relationship.
With them around, you will always be walking on egg shells, unaware of what action or word of yours can trigger an extreme reaction from them and you try to avoid any bitter confrontation. Being in such a relationship can be incredibly draining for a non-toxic partner as the suppressed emotions remain bottled up all the time which can lead to anguish and pain on the victimized partner.
The Guilt Trip Inducer:
In a relationship, if you are constantly accused of being the wrong person and are being blamed for everything that is going wrong, then you are surely with the guilt trip inducer. Your partner will encourage you to feel guilty for everything and take advantage of the situation, feeding on your guilt.
If you spouse encourages you to follow your dreams and is supportive in the beginning but criticises you for not spending enough time with the family and kids, or whines for any other reasons, then it could put you off. It would force you to question your decisions towards your work. Your partner makes you feel guilty and tricks you into having their say in every aspect.
The Over Dependent:
If your partner is too clingy about everything, is heavily dependent on you for the emotional and financial support and restricts you from everything to the extent that you feel suffocated, then you are with the over dependent partner for sure.
He or she will be excessively dependent on you for their needs and requirements, emotional satisfaction, and other desires. You will just be a tool of wish-fulfilment for them.
If your partner encourages you to be isolated from your family or friends, tries to make you feel that it is only them that should have the top most priority in your life, even if that leaves you incomplete and bereft, then you need to get help immediately to salvage the situation you are in and do something concrete to solve the problem.
The Excessively Possessive One:
Being a little possessive about your partner is sweet, and you may find it extremely adorable too. But when your toxic partner’s possessiveness turns into a mad rage when you divert your attention, then it is surely the red herring for you to get out of the relationship.
An over possessive partner will not let you be yourself in any way. It works as a tool for him or her to control your actions or outlook, making it impossible for you to find your space or create a niche for yourself in life.
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What Are The Signs And Symptoms Of Toxic Relationships?
Instances Of Passive Aggression:
It is fine if sometimes you are furious at your partner for something but let it go just to avoid a bitter confrontation. Make that a routine, where you are feeling suffocated every time which is tearing you apart, and that is a sign that you are in a toxic relationship.
You may have lost the spark and the connection, which leaves you wondering if you should still be in the relationship.
Excessive Criticism And Contempt For Each Other:
No individual is completely perfect. We all have our flaws and vices. But when you are in a relationship with someone, living with that person twenty-four hours and 365 days of the year can bring you quite close to the flaws and virtues of that person. It takes a little bit of adjustment and affection towards each other in a relationship to let go of the flaws and see the attributes and concentrate on how well you two gel.
Sometimes, it is also a healthy sign to criticize your partner positively so that if there are some flaws and habits, that you simply cannot take, are pruned or polished. But criticism should never be treated as an outlet to vent your anger towards your partner.
Extreme Jealousy And Too Much Of Blame Game:
If your partner is a little possessive about you and feels a bit insecure, you can ignore such trifle situations. But if the jealousy level is so high that it restricts you from leading a normal life, then you need to look at the signs carefully.
You happen to be a problem to him if you are spending time with your friends, then you need to step back from him and tell him that there are other people you would want to be with, too.
Arguments Without Communication:
having no respect towards each other’s choices, likes, and dislikes, and no enthusiasm to solve issues, is a sign to think about your toxic relationship. The relationship that has no mutual respect and trust cannot be a healthy one in any way.
The bickering and name calling has turned out to be an everyday issue, and even your neighbors know the minute details of your fights with your partner. In such a condition you cannot expect to continue a relationship in a long term manner. It is sure to harm you in more than one way and end up in engulfing you permanently which will leave you damaged forever.
Not only these hideous arguments rift apart the relationship but they also cause serious damage to your personality, character, and worth. The accusations and the blames make it impossible for you to feel good about yourself and lead to personality issues if you remain in such a condition for years. It is important to pay heed when it is still time and repair the damage that is already done.
Avoiding Each Other’s Company:
Talking about your experiences and emotions, the daily life struggles, and encouraging each other to face the challenges of everyday life, is what makes a beautiful relationship. But f you are running away from your partner and can’t stand them, then you lose yourself.
How To Overcome A Toxic Relationship?
If your relationship is toxic to the level that you are physically abused by your partner and there is verbal and physical violence, then you need to get professional help immediately. There is no point in tolerating such behavior as it will not only harm your psyche but also damage your body, leading to serious consequences. Taking the help of the authorities will make sure that your partner is not given the chance to abuse you further, and a legal separation should also be considered.
Apart from that, if the signs and symptoms of abuse in the relationship are not extreme to the extent of domestic violence, then you can take the help of the counselors and relationship advisors, psychologists, and professionals to get things on track.
But at times, the situation is beyond repair and no inside or outside help can salvage the relationship. In such times, you really have to make up your mind, be strong and let go. It is necessary that the individual growth in a relationship is not hampered. Choose to be comfortable and have a peaceful mind.
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Why You Shouldn't Quarrel In Front Of Your Kids
Sex & Relationship
Disagreements and quarrels are imminent in any relationship. We could say they are a little more between partners, maybe because the relationship is between two equals, who could be different from each other, unlike in a parent-child relationship where one is much older than the other.
It is natural to lose your cool and yell at your partner, sometimes even for petty issues such as leaving the toilet unflushed. But after you have kids, you need to be careful in these matters as well, lest it may pollute the environment at home, leaving your children helpless.
How Fighting In Front Of Your Children Affects Them:
Here are a few ways in which your children can get affected if you fight in front of them:
1. Adverse Effect On Your Child’s Mental Health:
When your children see you fighting violently or on a regular basis, it can have a long-term, damaging effect on their overall mental health.
There is a host of mental issues that could crop up in your children as a result of such conflicts. Some of the most common health issues could be severe anxiety, depression, feelings of guilt, poor self-esteem, difficulty in concentration and coping up with academics, fear, insomnia and so on.
2. Guilty About Having To Take Sides:
When you fight in front of your children, one of the biggest problems that they may face is the need to take sides.
Your children will want to love and be with both you and your partner, but when they see you fighting constantly, it may create a feeling of confusion and chaos in their minds. As a result, your children will not be able to make up their mind about who is right and who is wrong.
When faced with such a situation, your children may feel guilty that they are taking the side of one parent and letting down the expectations of the other.
It can often create stress in your children and result in them getting alienated to either you or your partner.
3. A Feeling Of Being Unsafe:
For your children, the home is the safest and most comforting place that they know. However, with constant fights with your partner, you ruin their feeling of safety and peace at home.
You may not be violent or physically destructive, but your fighting could cause a lot of anxiety in your children. They may feel unsafe in a place, which was until then their home. It could create a lot of stress and confusion in them.
When your children see you fight all the time, they may also worry that one of the parents would harm the other, or maybe harm the children.
The constant fear can have devastating effects on your children’s psyche. They could also worry that your frequent fights might lead to separation, breaking up the family set-up.
4. Problems In Parent And Child Relationship:
If your children are anxious about the unpleasant environment that gets created as a result of your constant fights, it will affect the relationship they share with you.
For your children, you are a role model. Seeing their role models fight could shatter their image of you.
When your children are uncomfortable and do not feel happy or safe, it can be difficult for them to have a comfortable and honest relationship with you. Seeing you fight, they might feel that you would show the same anger and aggression towards them. As a result, they may not want to share their honest feelings with you.
Immediate Effects Of Parents’ Fights On Children:
Here are some of the most direct effects that your fighting can have on your children:
Feeling scared and helpless
Becoming clingy and cranky
Feeling insecure and having low self-esteem
Feeling guilty and ashamed
Depressed and anxious
Being violent with other children
Social alienation and disinterest in meeting people
Bed wetting and being quiet
How To Fight In Front Of Your Children:
With stressful lifestyles and the constant demands of parenting, it is but natural that you may sometimes lose your cool and end up fighting in front of your children. While it should not be a habit, there are certain ways in which you can reduce the damage you do to your children. Here are a few things you should keep in mind when you are in a conflicting situation with your partner:
1. Do Not Jump In To A Fight:
When your partner is already worked up about something, try and avoid getting into a fight. Even if you try to discuss something at this stage, it may only result in shouting and yelling, instead of a normal talk. Let your partner cool down before you discuss the matter with him.
2. Discuss The Problem:
Instead of letting the situation take control, discuss the issues with your partner before the matter snowballs into a fight.
3. Hear Each Other’s Point Of View:
Respect each other’s point of view and try to understand what your partner has to say. You may not agree, but you can still try to listen.
4. Find A Middle Path:
If you cannot reach a clear decision, try to find a solution that will work best for both of you.
5. Seek Help:
Sometimes, when you have tried everything but nothing worked, the best way to deal with the issue is to take outside help. You may seek the help of your parents or family, or go for professional or marriage counselling.
It is necessary for you to keep your emotions under control and find the best way to discuss them with your partner.
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How To Keep Intimacy In Your Marriage
Sex & Relationship
Marrying someone means that you would live with that person for the rest of your life and spend all your moments – good, bad, ugly – with them. For this, you need to develop intimacy in your marriage. Intimacy is not just physical closeness and sex, but means several other things.
What Is The Meaning Of Intimacy In A Marriage?
Intimacy is the kind of relationship and proximity you share with your partner. It could denote being honest with one another and having an open communication, sharing personal thoughts and desires, having a spiritual or intellectual connect, and of course connecting with your partner on a physical and sexual level.
No two couples are the same. Therefore, what fits your friend may not fit you. This means that you may have to work out your relationship a bit differently from the rest. Over the years, as you grow together in the marriage and on a personal level, your levels of intimacy will also undergo a change.
The Importance Of Intimacy In A Marriage:
While there are not too many studies that show the importance of intimacy in a marriage, an increasing number of researchers are turning their attention towards it. Social experiments are being conducted to collect and analyze data and understand couples better.
The authors of a particular study spoke to 335 couples to understand their communicational, emotional, and sexual intimacy. The same was done to understand the level of satisfaction that they shared in the relationship.The study found that when a couple was sexually intimate with each other, it greatly helped to improve their level of emotional intimacy in marriage.
However, this was not true the other way round. The level of emotional intimacy did not always relate to the level of sexual relationship that they shared. In fact, researchers also found that the level of emotional and sexual connection that a couple shared could determine how intimate they felt and how much more they wanted to be.
6 Types Of Intimacy In A Marriage:
How intimate are you with your partner? At what level do you want to connect with him? You can understand this once you know the types of intimacy.
Emotional intimacy: When you share your thoughts, desires, and anything related to feelings, you are sharing an emotional connect with your partner. It may be the way you listen to your partner without interrupting or the way you understand each other without always having to express it. It is also your ability to guess how your partner will feel about or react to a particular situation or words.
Physical Intimacy: This isn’t sex per se, but also small gestures to show that you love each other. You can share a healthy physical intimacy with your partner by giving each other a hug, kiss, holding hands, etc. regularly.
Sexual intimacy: Connecting with your partner on a sexual level can help you both be more comfortable with each other. Having a healthy sexual relationship with your partner will bring in confidence into your relationship. Healthy sexual intimacy is one in which you can share your sexual thoughts and desires with your partner, without being judged, ridiculed, or sounding weird. When you find sexual satisfaction in your marriage, it can help strengthen your marriage and make it happy and fulfilling.
Intellectual intimacy: This intimacy allows you to have open discussions about various issues and come to a consensus. This would be good for your marriage and your family as it reflects on your team effort.
Spiritual or religious intimacy: When both of you give each other the freedom to choose certain religious or spiritual practices and follow them together, you are spiritually intimate. You may also decide to do certain rituals together and plan the same mutually.
Financial intimacy: Having a combined plan of action and improving and planning the financial situation of the family translates to financial intimacy. You may have a joint account,or separate accounts, but as long as you both share your financial position and discuss things mutually, things would work like a charm.
7 Ways To Increase Your Levels Of Intimacy With Your Partner:
Here are some key ways in which you can increase the amount of intimacy you share with your partner:
1. Trust your partner:
You can be intimate with your partner only when you both can share an immense amount of trust. Mutual trust is very important for any relationship to flourish, and helps a marriage attain various levels of intimacy. When you trust your partner, and vice versa, it means that you are respecting one another.
This would show that you want to be with one another and that you are putting in your fullest.
2. Have an honest communication at all times:
It is very important to have an open and honest channel of communication with your partner at all times. Listen to one another without interrupting and make it a two-way communication.
Your conversations may not always have to be about serious topics. You could talk about how your day was, what type of people you may have met or interacted with, any incident worth mentioning, if you had a bad phase in the day, anything that made you feel sad or depressed or made you miss your partner.
When you discuss the most trivial things with your partner, along with the serious ones, it will truly give you both a lot of avenues to connect on.
3. Care for your partner:
Caring for one another brings out a special bond and intimacy in marriage. It means that you should be attuned to the things that will make your partner happy as well as be good for your partner’s health and overall well-being.
When you care for your partner, you will make sure that everything is done in such a way that it is beneficial for your partner. Sometimes, you may have to do something that your partner may not approve of. If you think it is important, talk to them about it and make them understand.
4. Do not hesitate to apologize when you are wrong:
The secret to making any relationship work is to say those magic words – thank you, I love you, and sorry. Just as you would want to be appreciated when you do something nice for your partner, make sure you are also ready to say sorry when you know that you have done something wrong.
You may or may not have made a mistake by choice, but if you understand that you have erred then take responsibility for the same. This would increase your value in your partner’s life. If you do understand where you were wrong, you can try and work on the same and avoid it the next time.
When your partner notices this, he will make an effort to take responsibility for his actions as well. Remember that saying sorry or accepting that you are wrong will not make you a weaker person, but will make you a trustworthy and positive person.
5. Accept your partner’s weaknesses:
You love all the good things about your partner and love him for those. In a similar way, learn to accept the negatives in your partner as well. Remember that you are not all good yourself, and are a mix of both.
Even when you know your partner’s negative characteristics, do not point them out each time. If you do so, your partner will feel that all you do is nag and it could affect your intimacy in a negative way. Instead of always worrying or getting upset about your partner’s negative traits, try to focus on the positives and encourage your partner to do the same.
6. Set clear limits in your relationship:
Just because you are married to each other does not mean that you have to agree to everything that your partner expects of you and the same holds true for your partner as well. Every relationship should ideally have some boundaries, and when you set boundaries in your marriage, it will keep your relationship healthy.
Setting boundaries in your relationship will also help you respect each other. Some things may be against your values, or that make you feel uncomfortable, and you would have the freedom to say no to them. When you are comfortable in the relationship and are sure that you will not have to compromise or go against your values, it will help you be more intimate with each other.
7. Learn to be forgiving:
When you learn to forgive, it will automatically make you less angry and resentful, and more peaceful with yourself. Mistakes should be forgiven if they are minor, and you should make sure that they are not repeated. Holding a grudge would only lead to negativity.
Remember that when you learn to forgive your partner, you will also learn to trust again, which will help you build on your intimacy skills. Make sure that you tell your partner what made you feel bad and that you are willing to look past it and move on. However, remember that if you want your partner to behave in a certain way, you would have to follow the same example.
5 Reasons Why Your Husband Does Not Want To Be Intimate With You:
Here are a few reasons why your husband may not want to be intimate with you, or does not initiate any physical or sexual intimacy:
Living with parents or in-laws: If you live with your parents or your in-laws, your husband may not always be comfortable and may avoid getting physically or sexually intimate with you.
Away from each other for long periods: Another angle to this could be that you visit your parents a lot, or are away from your marital home for a long period of time at a stretch. It is also possible that your husband has to be away from the marital home for long periods of time, and as a result may not be able to connect on an intimate level. This could bring an intimacy distance between the two of you.
Priority to your role as a mother than a wife: When you have children in the picture, it may be difficult for your husband to be able to connect with you as you are more devoted as a mother than as a wife. It is possible that your time with kids eats away your time with your partner. This could lead to a loss of intimacy.
Giving up on physical aspects: It is possible that you have reached a stage in your relationship where you feel too comfortable and settled, as a result of which you may end up looking after yourself. You may have gained some extra kilos over the years, or you may not try to be as presentable as you used to be earlier. As a result, your partner may not feel physically attracted to you and may not want to be intimate.
You never initiate intimacy of any kind: If there is a lack of intimacy from your end towards your partner, it can turn into a very one-sided relationship. Your partner may feel that he is the one who is always forcing you to get intimate. As a result, he may lose interest and may not want to continue the same way.
Intimacy in a marriage is all about connecting with your partner at different levels. When that happens, your relationship can turn into a strong and loyal partnership, where you are friends as well as lovers. Take the necessary steps to create intimacy in your marriage for a mutual connect.
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This article was originally posted on Mom Junction
5 Truths About Being New Parents
Sex & Relationship
Parenting is many things. It’s amazing. It’s educational. It’s challenging. It’s exciting. It’s also inconvenient. That’s just part of the deal. Many — all? — new parents have no idea what they’re doing. And the inconvenient truths of parenting often sneaks up on them. Here are a few to note.
#1 Your child wants to ruin your marriage
This might sound like sacrilege, but it’s true. Your child wants 100 percent of your time, attention and love. This doesn’t make them bad — it makes them human. But the cost is high for a relationship, mostly because we love our children and we want them to be happy.
You have to win the battle against your children if you want your relationship to survive. You have to allocate an appropriate percentage of your time and attention and love to your partner, if you have one. This is hard when your child is a baby. It’s surprisingly hard again when your child is a teenager. But the best thing you can do for your kid is model secure attachment to your partner. Don’t let them ruin your marriage.
#2 Dads don’t babysit
Memorize this sentiment. Tattoo it into your consciousness. Cut the notion that parenting is somehow the woman’s job and that men are somehow doing women a favor when they watch the children. Dads don’t babysit. They parent.
Here’s a message for dads: Learn how to change a diaper, feed your kid, put them to bed. Learn how to carry the parenting load, even though you work hard all day. Get good at it. Get smarter about it. Reject the notion that you are second-string. Be a starter.
#3 The second best way is not a terrible way
Here’s a message for moms: When your partner doesn’t do it the same way that you would, that doesn’t make them an idiot. It doesn’t make them careless or disrespectful. It makes them more connected to your child and it gives you an opportunity to turn your attention elsewhere.
Parenting is a long road and it should be based more on values than tactics. Moms have an advantage in parenting because the whole parenting industry is tilted toward the assumption that they’re the primary caregiver. But if they have male partners, they need to allow them to carry their part of the load in their own way. It’s not terrible. It’s just different.
#4 Intimacy and intercourse are not the same
Intimacy is complicated and way bigger than sex. It’s also emotional, intellectual and spiritual. Intimacy comes by taking walks together, cooking dinner together and maybe even going to the bathroom with the door open. True, holistic intimacy is woven throughout the entire relationship.
For new parents, it’s critical to develop intimacy skills that are not limited to the bedroom. Your infant will treat Mom like a food machine. Your toddler will unapologetically knock on your door. Your teenager will be embarrassed by the idea that you have sex. There will always be obstacles to intercourse. But there will will always be opportunities for intimacy.
#5 It never gets better
Parenting is amazing, fun, life-giving and sweet-smelling. It’s also challenging, maddening, soul-sucking and stinky. It doesn’t matter if your kids are 3 or 13 or 23 — your job is to be the best version of yourself in order to help them become the best version of themselves. It would be great if parenting just kinda trailed off, but it doesn’t. Even our parents are trying to figure out how to parent us.
These things aren’t necessarily good or bad, or right or wrong. They’re just true. They’re also inconvenient but they can help you survive the adventure that is parenting.
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Article was first published on New Parents
5 Simple Ways To Celebrate Valentine's Day As New Parents
Sex & Relationship
Valentine's Day is right around the corner, and it’s a great opportunity to relight the fire in your life!
If baby is literally hot out of the oven (we’re talking 1 month old), it might be a little difficult to incorporate romance in as you’re 24/7 at baby’s beck and call. But once baby hits the one or two months mark, and (hopefully) starts sleeping a little better, this is the best time to remember that you’re in a romantic relationship which you’ve probably been neglecting.
There are still some restrictions to the types of activities as new parents, but there are certainly things you can do around the house when baby is finally down for the night. Here are a few ideas to celebrate love!
Pick a movie
If your night routine usually involves doing the laundry, housework or cooking dinner, try something different that night! It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, like a movie! Prepare your favourite snack or ice cream and just relax in each other’s arms.
“I remember the best date I had after giving birth was just chilling with my husband, watching TV and eating ice cream. The movie ended just in time for baby’s night feed too!” – Audrey Lee, 33 years old
A take-out meal from your favourite restaurant can be romantic when you’re used to diapers, bottles and dirty dishes. Set some candles to up the ambiance!
“I usually cook something simple for my husband and I. But that night we just decided to order in from Food Panda and it felt so good not having to wash up! Best $30 meal ever!” – Tan Bee Ling, 31 years old
Let your partner sleep in
This one is mostly for the daddies. That added beauty sleep goes a long way and can really rejuvenate your partner!
Lend a helping hand or just do something nice!
Small gestures go a long way! Volunteer to do each other’s chores that night. Take over the bottle/pump washing duty, allow each other to take a nice long shower in peace, stock the fridge with beer. They will be grateful for this – trust us!
“I knew my wife always dreads washing the milk bottles so I thought I’d help her that night. Her reaction and sense of gratefulness was much bigger than I expected. Who knew!” – Desmond Tan, 29 years old
Try to get intimate
The key word here is “try”. Don’t put yourself in any kind of pressure though. Also, having sex after having a birth might not be the best idea. So maybe just cuddling and just relaxing together works better and you’ll be surprised how much you miss doing something so simple!
The point is, maybe you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day the way you used to. But that’s okay! Because really, once your needs for sleep, privacy to pee and bathe in peace are met, the most simplest activities are equally fun!
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